I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
