Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
