I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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