If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
