We're facebook friends in real life
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize