I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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