Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Houston, we have a blender
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
