I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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