Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
