do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's never too late to be topless.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
