Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
