We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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