I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I still have a little drunk in my system
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
