I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Never underestimate the power of titties
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize