dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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