Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
