you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
