Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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