Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
