i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
