i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Your cock deserves a montage
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
