Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
