mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
