I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
