I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
