so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
