I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you never un-have a 4some
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
