His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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