I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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