Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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