We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
