My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My vagina just recognized that song.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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