Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
