I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
