I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
