dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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