life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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