he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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