Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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