He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
