Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
