pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
All the doctor said was why
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
