Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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