I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
