you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
