ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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