I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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