she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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