Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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