she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
