From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
