Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
