I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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