Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
