Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
