I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
