Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
