I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
