Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize