Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
