Don't you send me to vm
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
