then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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