Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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