# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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