so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
