youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize