i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just invented taco cereal.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
