We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
