All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
