im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
