He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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