he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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