I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
