so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
