he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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