thus making me awesome and them whores
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
