Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
