apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
