if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
